"The French view is really one of balance, I think. ... What French women would tell me over and over is, it's very important that no part of your life — not being a mom, not being a worker, not being a wife — overwhelms the other part," Druckerman says.
I just re-read an article that caused an uproar last year because it basically said French parents were better than American parents (similar to the tiger mom frenzy the year before that). I think this selected quote sums up how I feel about parenting. Now, I know I'm not a parent and am not planning necessarily to be one in the near future, I feel like this quote makes perfect sense, and is the reason so many American parents stress themselves out to the point of exhaustion. People all have different aspects of their life. Work, school, spouse, kids, family, free time, me time, etc.
Last year I got stressed out because one of my work lives overlapped with my school life. I spent too much time in that aspect and my mind and body just became exhausted by it all. There was little to no separation and that sucked the energy out of me. Plus, with the deployed husband during most of that, I had NO husband time and I hated every second of it all. I didn't have any balance. It hurt. SO much. While I personally believe people spend most of their time doing what they like/love, my emphasis would have been on spending time with the husband I virtually never saw, had it been possible. But it wasn't. So not only was I omitting one part of my life as if it didn't exist, two others were taking up all my time. At my second job, I was usually working on homework or trying not to fall over asleep. Not taking a break and enjoying the little kids I worked with like I should have. Balance is what I needed. And I couldn't find it. I was miserable for a large part of the year.
Then I graduated. And was still missing balance. Because I moved across the country and got to spend a ton of time with my man who was finally home, but all of a sudden my overwhelmingly full schedule was empty. No more school and no more double jobs. The search for a new job took up part of my time, but it wasn't the same as having to run around constantly making sure things were done. Granted, the break was nice. But I can't go on like that forever.
I've gotten better about things now. I'm still no pro at balancing my act, but I'm trying my best to have it in some form. So many parents I've seen wrap themselves up in their children and their children's activities, so much that they have nothing that is their own, that they lose themselves. They are simply "Johnny's mom" or "Sarah's dad." While I am a firm believer you should be proud of your children and take an active role in their lives to make sure they grow up to be good, responsible people, there has to be a portion of your time where you do things without them around. One-on-one time with your spouse. Ladies or guys night. You can't be ONLY a parent. This does not mean you stay-at-home parents are bad people for staying at home with your children by any means. I HIGHLY respect stay at home parents. But you need a night out sometimes. You can't be with them 24-7 and expect to keep your sanity. Plus, those kids you love so much need to learn how to do some things on their own. How are they going to do that if you're always watching to tell them to correct a mistake you see going down?
Be the responsible parent who shows their children how important those adult conversations and interactions are. That there is work that needs to be done sometimes. Then you can play.
I wish so many more parents weren't neglecting themselves "for their kids." I think it's important to point something out: Kids grow up. They're going to grow up. All the way up. And they're going to leave. They're going to have their own lives. They're going to have a spouse and children of their own. If you spend 25 years ONLY raising your children... what happens when they grow up and you have your "empty nest?" You may end up feeling like you have nothing left to do. That would absolutely suck. So keep your nights out. Go on dates. Remember you are a person with a life, too. Don't lose yourself along the path to raising your children. You're too awesome to lose yourself.
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