But my school time summer is done. I had to leave the lovely New Hampshire and come back here. I almost typed "come back home" back there... but I've discovered something kind of interesting. You see, my friend Levi told me about this line in the movie Garden State where Zach Braff's character is talking about a point in your life where the house you grew up in is no longer your home. The scene goes like this:
"Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You'll see one day when you move out... it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know? You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place..."
When I was growing up, I hated leaving home. I would go for weekends to see my besties Michael and Erin and get homesick just for the two days I was gone. I hated being away. I'm a homebody. I can't help it. It's just the way I've always been. My older sister used to have to go to slumber parties with me so I didn't feel so bad. Well I flew across the country in July. And I was nervous mainly about being around all these people I straight up did not know. But at the same time, I was going to be with Dustin... and once I got there, I did not get homesick. For over a month, I did not crave seeing them or worry about missing something... It was strange. But amazing, too. The leaving though... killed me. When it came time for me to load up the truck and watch Dustin leave for work before I myself left for several months, I could not stop the tears. Driving home I cried until my eyes were drier than the Desert of Maine (which I saw while I was up there, btw) and could cry no more. For days I went through the motions. Randomly breaking out into tears and the stomach ache never ending. It's still there, but luckily I have gotten busier so I don't have as much time for it to hit me and make me cry all the time. I think the transition Zach Braff talks about has hit me, but not quite how he described. I think I have a home and know exactly where it is... with Dustin. I just can't be there all the time right now. Where ever the "there" is. (I know. "Jasmine. You're such a dork. Why do you have to be all sappy and cheesy? How lame." I just do:) I have to wait like everyone else... Just a bit differently...
Anyways. Enough sappiness. I just thought I'd share that since it was on my mind and I was feeling the urge to write anyway.
So school is back in session, my bank account is very empty, but books are paid for and school supplies bought. My job started before my classes even did, but I only get paid once a month. Therefore: first month of work = late Sept. paycheck. *sigh* Oh well.
Life is pretty good though. I have a well-running vehicle, I still get to talk to my love almost everyday, (it's not every day anymore, but I'll take what I can get while we're apart and he's still on land:), and I am one week closer to being done with college... Just a few more...
...
Ok, so "a few more" actually comes closer to just under two years... but I'm working on that:)
Anywho.
I have a really awesome photo frame from someone very special. Yay ^_^
I want to collage. I started cutting out clips yesterday to start one but I could even get through the one section I started, lol. I forget how bad I am at cutting straight lines and such...
I hate when time flies by and then all of a sudden feels like it slows down at the worst possible moment. Summer was not nearly long enough. And now classes are just d r a g g i n g o n . . .
Ugh.
Come on, Christmas!
;)
Or at least cooler weather.
Later daze folks!
~Jazz~
~Jazz~
