"The French view is really one of balance, I think. ... What French women would tell me over and over is, it's very important that no part of your life — not being a mom, not being a worker, not being a wife — overwhelms the other part," Druckerman says.
I just re-read an article that caused an uproar last year because it basically said French parents were better than American parents (similar to the tiger mom frenzy the year before that). I think this selected quote sums up how I feel about parenting. Now, I know I'm not a parent and am not planning necessarily to be one in the near future, I feel like this quote makes perfect sense, and is the reason so many American parents stress themselves out to the point of exhaustion. People all have different aspects of their life. Work, school, spouse, kids, family, free time, me time, etc.
Last year I got stressed out because one of my work lives overlapped with my school life. I spent too much time in that aspect and my mind and body just became exhausted by it all. There was little to no separation and that sucked the energy out of me. Plus, with the deployed husband during most of that, I had NO husband time and I hated every second of it all. I didn't have any balance. It hurt. SO much. While I personally believe people spend most of their time doing what they like/love, my emphasis would have been on spending time with the husband I virtually never saw, had it been possible. But it wasn't. So not only was I omitting one part of my life as if it didn't exist, two others were taking up all my time. At my second job, I was usually working on homework or trying not to fall over asleep. Not taking a break and enjoying the little kids I worked with like I should have. Balance is what I needed. And I couldn't find it. I was miserable for a large part of the year.
Then I graduated. And was still missing balance. Because I moved across the country and got to spend a ton of time with my man who was finally home, but all of a sudden my overwhelmingly full schedule was empty. No more school and no more double jobs. The search for a new job took up part of my time, but it wasn't the same as having to run around constantly making sure things were done. Granted, the break was nice. But I can't go on like that forever.
I've gotten better about things now. I'm still no pro at balancing my act, but I'm trying my best to have it in some form. So many parents I've seen wrap themselves up in their children and their children's activities, so much that they have nothing that is their own, that they lose themselves. They are simply "Johnny's mom" or "Sarah's dad." While I am a firm believer you should be proud of your children and take an active role in their lives to make sure they grow up to be good, responsible people, there has to be a portion of your time where you do things without them around. One-on-one time with your spouse. Ladies or guys night. You can't be ONLY a parent. This does not mean you stay-at-home parents are bad people for staying at home with your children by any means. I HIGHLY respect stay at home parents. But you need a night out sometimes. You can't be with them 24-7 and expect to keep your sanity. Plus, those kids you love so much need to learn how to do some things on their own. How are they going to do that if you're always watching to tell them to correct a mistake you see going down?
Be the responsible parent who shows their children how important those adult conversations and interactions are. That there is work that needs to be done sometimes. Then you can play.
I wish so many more parents weren't neglecting themselves "for their kids." I think it's important to point something out: Kids grow up. They're going to grow up. All the way up. And they're going to leave. They're going to have their own lives. They're going to have a spouse and children of their own. If you spend 25 years ONLY raising your children... what happens when they grow up and you have your "empty nest?" You may end up feeling like you have nothing left to do. That would absolutely suck. So keep your nights out. Go on dates. Remember you are a person with a life, too. Don't lose yourself along the path to raising your children. You're too awesome to lose yourself.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
If I were the breeze, I would tickle the trees...
While trying to clean out some of the excess junk in my computer's memory, and I came across this. It's a list of "If I were"s. I apparently stole this from someone at some point and never quite finished it. So now I'm finishing it. I will include the answers I put then, and a new one, if it's changed. Here we go.
1. If I were a month, I would be September, March, or November... They’ve always been my favorites… And I like the weather.
2. If I were a day of the week, I would be Thursday... Cause you’re so close… and yet so far away… story of my life.
3. If I were a time of the day, I would be 9:00 pm… because some of my best conversations happen around that time.
4. If I were a planet, I would be Neptune. It gets kinda neglected, I think. Very under-appreciated gas giant.
5. If I were a sea animal, I would be Dory. Because she's forgetful. And "no one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... and I'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget."
6. If I were a direction, I would be SOUTH (In your mouth PAHA).
7. If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a strong, mahagony filled bookshelf.
8. If I were a sin, I would be pride because it is said to be the worst sin that stems all the others. Dante said pride was "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour." And recently, I haven't been self-centered... but the things on my mind and I'm spending time on are too much focused on me instead of God and others. I felt a while back I was putting WAY too much energy into the affairs of others and in turn neglected myself. So then I decided to re-center and improve myself and my relationship with my husband. Then I got sidetracked again and neglected the rest of my family and people I care about. So I'm trying to find the balance between all of these now. It's a work in progress. Admittance is first.
9. If I were a historical figure, I would be... I have no idea. I probably should. But I don't.
10. If I were a liquid, I would be water. Basis of life. Unique to earth. Awesome. Yay.
11. If I were a stone, I would be a sapphire… Cause I like blue… ;).
12. If I were a tree, I would be the weeping willow from My Girl… or Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas.
13. If I were a bird, I would be blue jay. Cause they’re pretty:) And I have a thing for the name...
14. If I were a tool, I would be a chalk line… cause they’re fun:) OOOH! Or a plane. Cause that's my new favorite!
15. If I were a flower, I would be Jasmine. PAHAHA. Admit it. You laughed too. It was just too easy. And obvious.
16. If I were a kind of weather, I would be lightly cloudy with a cool breeze... It's the feeling in the air of "after hurricane" weather. It feels fantastic.
17. If I were a musical instrument, I would be a fiddle. Or a banjo. Or a ukelele... Decisions decisions.
18. If I were an animal, I would be a ferret… cause Dad says I have nervous energy and scurry around. (That was the original answer... I don't remember exactly how that conversation came up... maybe I asked what he thought I'd be if I were an animal. But I like the answer so much, I refuse to change it. :)
19. If I were a color, I would be cerulean. It's lovely.
20. If I were a vegetable, I would be a cucumber… cause they’re my favorite.
21. If I were a sound, I would be the sound a golf ball makes when you get a hole in one… Ohhhh that sound.
22. If I were an element, I would be wind…. No wait! I’d be the Fifth. L. O. L. Milla Jovovich is so BA.
23. If I were a car, I would be a baby blue Volkswagon Beetle. Because they’re so darn cute…
24. If I were a song, I would be “Forgetful Lucy” from 50 First Dates… <3
25. If I were a movie, I would be a dramatic romantic comedy starring Amber Tamblyn, with special appearances by Joan Cusack, Julie Andrews, Tom Hanks, Mark Ruffalo, Bruce Willis, and this guy: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0869548/, along with a random Fast and Furious scene. Who would watch that? Pahaha
26. If I were a book, I'd be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows or Sisterhood Everlasting. Faves.
27. If I were food, I would be a shrimp tempura sushi roll... Or something along those lines. Yum.
28. If I were a place, I would be home. Home is where the heart is, where your story begins, and where you belong. <3
29. If I were a material, I would be wood- durable, versatile, and unique.
30. If I were a taste (taste??), I would be "Jamaican Me Happy."
31. If I were a scent, I would be “Sensuality” from Avon… or fresh laundry...
32. If I were a religion, I would be Christian. Non-denominational owned, Christian.
33. If I were a word, I would be ampersand.
34. If I were an object, I would be (Original answer) my sock monkey… because right now Dustin has it. (New Answer) Dustin's seaman's crucifix. Cause it's always with him. So I wouldn't have to miss him.
35. If I were a body part, I would be your right hand.
36. If I were a facial expression, I would be pleasant.
37. If I were a subject in school, English.
38. If I were a cartoon character, I would be Pocahontas.
39. If I were a shape, I would be a sphere. Endless and infinite.
40. If I were a number, I would be nineteen. Every. Single. Time.
Later friends,
Jasmine
1. If I were a month, I would be September, March, or November... They’ve always been my favorites… And I like the weather.
2. If I were a day of the week, I would be Thursday... Cause you’re so close… and yet so far away… story of my life.
3. If I were a time of the day, I would be 9:00 pm… because some of my best conversations happen around that time.
4. If I were a planet, I would be Neptune. It gets kinda neglected, I think. Very under-appreciated gas giant.
5. If I were a sea animal, I would be Dory. Because she's forgetful. And "no one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... and I'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget."
6. If I were a direction, I would be SOUTH (In your mouth PAHA).
7. If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a strong, mahagony filled bookshelf.
8. If I were a sin, I would be pride because it is said to be the worst sin that stems all the others. Dante said pride was "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour." And recently, I haven't been self-centered... but the things on my mind and I'm spending time on are too much focused on me instead of God and others. I felt a while back I was putting WAY too much energy into the affairs of others and in turn neglected myself. So then I decided to re-center and improve myself and my relationship with my husband. Then I got sidetracked again and neglected the rest of my family and people I care about. So I'm trying to find the balance between all of these now. It's a work in progress. Admittance is first.
9. If I were a historical figure, I would be... I have no idea. I probably should. But I don't.
10. If I were a liquid, I would be water. Basis of life. Unique to earth. Awesome. Yay.
11. If I were a stone, I would be a sapphire… Cause I like blue… ;).
12. If I were a tree, I would be the weeping willow from My Girl… or Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas.
13. If I were a bird, I would be blue jay. Cause they’re pretty:) And I have a thing for the name...
14. If I were a tool, I would be a chalk line… cause they’re fun:) OOOH! Or a plane. Cause that's my new favorite!
15. If I were a flower, I would be Jasmine. PAHAHA. Admit it. You laughed too. It was just too easy. And obvious.
16. If I were a kind of weather, I would be lightly cloudy with a cool breeze... It's the feeling in the air of "after hurricane" weather. It feels fantastic.
17. If I were a musical instrument, I would be a fiddle. Or a banjo. Or a ukelele... Decisions decisions.
18. If I were an animal, I would be a ferret… cause Dad says I have nervous energy and scurry around. (That was the original answer... I don't remember exactly how that conversation came up... maybe I asked what he thought I'd be if I were an animal. But I like the answer so much, I refuse to change it. :)
19. If I were a color, I would be cerulean. It's lovely.
20. If I were a vegetable, I would be a cucumber… cause they’re my favorite.
21. If I were a sound, I would be the sound a golf ball makes when you get a hole in one… Ohhhh that sound.
22. If I were an element, I would be wind…. No wait! I’d be the Fifth. L. O. L. Milla Jovovich is so BA.
23. If I were a car, I would be a baby blue Volkswagon Beetle. Because they’re so darn cute…
24. If I were a song, I would be “Forgetful Lucy” from 50 First Dates… <3
25. If I were a movie, I would be a dramatic romantic comedy starring Amber Tamblyn, with special appearances by Joan Cusack, Julie Andrews, Tom Hanks, Mark Ruffalo, Bruce Willis, and this guy: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0869548/, along with a random Fast and Furious scene. Who would watch that? Pahaha
26. If I were a book, I'd be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows or Sisterhood Everlasting. Faves.
27. If I were food, I would be a shrimp tempura sushi roll... Or something along those lines. Yum.
28. If I were a place, I would be home. Home is where the heart is, where your story begins, and where you belong. <3
29. If I were a material, I would be wood- durable, versatile, and unique.
30. If I were a taste (taste??), I would be "Jamaican Me Happy."
31. If I were a scent, I would be “Sensuality” from Avon… or fresh laundry...
32. If I were a religion, I would be Christian. Non-denominational owned, Christian.
33. If I were a word, I would be ampersand.
34. If I were an object, I would be (Original answer) my sock monkey… because right now Dustin has it. (New Answer) Dustin's seaman's crucifix. Cause it's always with him. So I wouldn't have to miss him.
35. If I were a body part, I would be your right hand.
36. If I were a facial expression, I would be pleasant.
37. If I were a subject in school, English.
38. If I were a cartoon character, I would be Pocahontas.
39. If I were a shape, I would be a sphere. Endless and infinite.
40. If I were a number, I would be nineteen. Every. Single. Time.
Later friends,
Jasmine
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Giving Tree Reviews
I was just reading on a blog that gives book recommendations/reviews for parents and their children. One page had a list of the 75 books that would build character. I had never heard of most of them because they are rather new, but I was a little upset to see The Giving Tree wasn't on it. I figured maybe because the author seemed focused on newer books, that was the reason. No big. But as I scrolled down to the comments, people seemed THRILLED by the fact that this book wasn't on the list. Literally, EXCITED to see someone who didn't like it either.
And I was confused. So I went looking for other reviews. Because quite frankly, I can't see how anyone could take the message in The Giving Tree to be bad. Afterall, the title is "The Giving Tree."
People hate this book.
Not all, mind you. But many. It breaks my heart. All they see is a selfish boy who becomes a selfish man who kills the tree he loves.
Uh. No.
My main focus in this story was always the tree. Not the boy. But the tree. Sure, a lot was also on the relationship between the two, but the title says tree because it's about the tree.
When the boy is young, his relationship with the tree is very healthy. They play together all day and enjoy each other's company. They love each other. But like is the case with most childhood friendships, the boy grows and finds new interests and doesn't visit the tree anymore. But the tree wants the boy to be happy, because his happiness brings her happiness. So she's ok with that so long as he is happy.
Well he comes back one day and he needs a house to keep him warm. So the tree offers the boy her branches to build a house so he can be happy. Later he wants to sail the earth to escape the sadness he has encountered in his adult life, so the tree gives him her trunk so he can build a boat. Then he comes back, a lonely, sad, old man and the tree openly says she has nothing to offer him. The man says how he is old and doesn't need much now. All he needs is a quiet place to sit and rest. And the tree in all her stump-ness straightens up proud and firm and says something like "Stumps are very good places to sit." So the man sits on the stump to rest. And the tree is happy.
I love this book because it opens with the tree and boy together and even though the boy grows and leaves (tree references, ha!), he comes back and they are together again in the end... Plus it shows the value of giving. That in the end, life is about how you give back to others, and not about what you get. The tree was always happy. Because she always gave the boy things he "needed." But the boy would come back sad and lost and lonely because he was focused on himself. The tree was happy though. And their relationship evolved so that as they grew and aged together, the wiser one (tree) taught the boy (after a lifetime of tries and fails) that she knew what she needed to do: give what she had for others who had less to benefit. And in return, she got a friendship from someone who had been blessed by her gifts.
I used this story as a basis for my wedding party invitations because I thought it explained how I feel about my husband. I would give absolutely anything if it would make my husband happy. Anything. His happiness makes me happy and it hurts me knowing I can't always help him when he needs it. If I could though, I would. Plus, something I've always struggled with is that the acquisition of things doesn't really matter. And I want to teach my children that. The boy in this story learns that eventually. As an old man, he sees he doesn't really need much. Just somewhere to sit and rest. No need for a big house or a boat or a plethora of apples to stuff his face. Just a seat. Nothing extravagant. So he sits and enjoys his time with his tree. <3
Maybe I've grown to appreciate it because I've oversimplified it. I dunno. But I love this story and I will stand by loving this story till the day I die because to me, it has meant so much and shown so well the love one person can have for another and how important it is to remember it isn't about WHAT we have, but how we share those things we've been blessed with, and to also remember THINGS aren't important. People are.
So that's my take. Continue hating it if you must. I'll disagree with you, so if you decide to battle me about it, I won't stop fighting. But go ahead. Have your opinion. Take a sweet child story and make it terrible. (This reminds me of how people take Beauty and the Beast and make it dirty. Come on, people, it's supposed to be metaphorical, stop talking about beasteality and such. Good grief.)
Hokay. Thanks. Later.
Jasmine
Monday, January 2, 2012
A Year in Review: 2011
"There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part.
So just give me a happy middle
and a very happy start."
--Shel Silverstein
2011. What can I say? It was an interesting year.
Maybe "interesting" isn't the right word. There's a photo I'll attach to this that may help me explain this year.
I've spent this year losing people I care about. Papaw died the Friday after Easter... exactly two weeks before Dustin and my wedding. I still can't believe he's been gone eight months. I still have a voicemail he left me two days before his surgery saved on my phone I listen to every once in a while... Until the tears start streaming again and I avoid it for a few months...
Then in June mom called me in VA to tell me my cousin Kenya was gone. That sweetie was about to turn 15.
Then at the beginning of November, we lost Poppy. I'm officially out of grandfathers.
Then it was Libby at the end of November. I don't think there is a word for surprises like this.
And then Mama and Daddy lost their third godchild, Dak a few weeks ago. He was only a year old.
And as I found out my sister wass heading to the hospital to say goodbye to another of our loved ones who wasn't doing well new year's eve, mom told me he was gone.
2011 sucked. And then the first day of 2012, a friend of mine found out a very dear relative was gone.
I'm starting to think maybe I'm a jinx.
As I look back over the past 12 months and the amazing people I knew and lost or hadn't even gotten a chance to know yet, I want to cry. So many wonderful people have left a hole in my heart this past year. I sat here on Saturday and just cried for a little while. Dustin was so sweet. I could sit here and sulk for the next year... and it wouldn't change a thing. I'm trying very hard to break this pattern. They say deaths and bad things come in threes. Seems true for us. I'm scared of what is still to come.
And yet...
They say good things come in threes, too.
I got married this year. I started a whole new life five states away from the town I've always lived in. I started my fourth and final year at USA. I got a job that is fun and exciting and amazing experience for future endeavors in my field. I am a single semester from graduating and moving permanantly. I have an awesome husband and an even bigger family now. I'm working two jobs, senior year, and am keeping up with a hubby 1000 miles away... and even through all the stress, I'm learning a ton about my work and myself. I know what I'm capable of now. I know my breaking point. I know how far I can push it and still be alright. I know how to balance things now. I know how strong our relationship is. And hey, now we're on the path to being debt free. Go us.
This year has been the hardest of my whole life. I can't count how many times my world was shaken, shattered, or broken and I was left with only pieces to straighten up as best I could. I know now just how like my Mama I am. We know how to get stuff done under stress, that's for sure. I was very grateful for her this year. She was pretty awesome through everything. And took care of everyone. It made me all the more proud to be like her.
On the other hand, I've realized this year even as good with words as I may be, I'm pretty terrible at finding what to say to someone hurting. Luckily I don't mind silence... so I'll be the one who just comes to sit with you, if that's ok. I can do that.
In addition, I've become pretty blunt. I read somewhere recently a quote. It said, "You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake…
It’s a choice."
Some of the people I care about most in this world have made some silly and stupid mistakes. And then continued to do the exact same thing over and over and over again, still saying "well it was a mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen like that." No it wasn't. You know what you were doing. You know you were being stupid. And if you don't, then I can't help you anyway. I have had the toughest year of my whole life and felt pain I would prefer to never go through again... and I'm trying to push through. And I do not have the energy to keep watching you screw up in the same way. It's your life? Yup. It sure is. So if you insist on going about your business like what you're doing is ok, then I can't stop you... and I'm tired of trying. Keep breaking my heart. Keep putting yourself in harm's way. I can't keep feeling like I could have changed or helped you. I've tried. And you won't listen. I've lost so much already. I can't stand by and watch you self-destruct.
2011. The year things changed. I'm praying the new one will be better. And by better, I just mean I hope things go smoothly as best they can. I can handle the ups and downs... I'd just like a little break. Of course... no breaks until May 12, at least...
You know what? Bring it on, 2012. I'll stay tough and my life and marriage will still rock. I've been through more than five months of hell before. Just bring it on.
Lord, please bless this house, and all the people I love who live here. I pray your love will fill us with the joy and hope we need to keep pushing through and seeing the brighter side of how things are. Help the goodbyes be heartfelt and forgiving and the hellos open and willing. We need all the help we can get. Please watch over us and keep us safe. <3
Endings are the saddest part.
So just give me a happy middle
and a very happy start."
--Shel Silverstein
2011. What can I say? It was an interesting year.
Maybe "interesting" isn't the right word. There's a photo I'll attach to this that may help me explain this year.
I've spent this year losing people I care about. Papaw died the Friday after Easter... exactly two weeks before Dustin and my wedding. I still can't believe he's been gone eight months. I still have a voicemail he left me two days before his surgery saved on my phone I listen to every once in a while... Until the tears start streaming again and I avoid it for a few months...
Then in June mom called me in VA to tell me my cousin Kenya was gone. That sweetie was about to turn 15.
Then at the beginning of November, we lost Poppy. I'm officially out of grandfathers.
Then it was Libby at the end of November. I don't think there is a word for surprises like this.
And then Mama and Daddy lost their third godchild, Dak a few weeks ago. He was only a year old.
And as I found out my sister wass heading to the hospital to say goodbye to another of our loved ones who wasn't doing well new year's eve, mom told me he was gone.
2011 sucked. And then the first day of 2012, a friend of mine found out a very dear relative was gone.
I'm starting to think maybe I'm a jinx.
As I look back over the past 12 months and the amazing people I knew and lost or hadn't even gotten a chance to know yet, I want to cry. So many wonderful people have left a hole in my heart this past year. I sat here on Saturday and just cried for a little while. Dustin was so sweet. I could sit here and sulk for the next year... and it wouldn't change a thing. I'm trying very hard to break this pattern. They say deaths and bad things come in threes. Seems true for us. I'm scared of what is still to come.
And yet...
They say good things come in threes, too.
I got married this year. I started a whole new life five states away from the town I've always lived in. I started my fourth and final year at USA. I got a job that is fun and exciting and amazing experience for future endeavors in my field. I am a single semester from graduating and moving permanantly. I have an awesome husband and an even bigger family now. I'm working two jobs, senior year, and am keeping up with a hubby 1000 miles away... and even through all the stress, I'm learning a ton about my work and myself. I know what I'm capable of now. I know my breaking point. I know how far I can push it and still be alright. I know how to balance things now. I know how strong our relationship is. And hey, now we're on the path to being debt free. Go us.
This year has been the hardest of my whole life. I can't count how many times my world was shaken, shattered, or broken and I was left with only pieces to straighten up as best I could. I know now just how like my Mama I am. We know how to get stuff done under stress, that's for sure. I was very grateful for her this year. She was pretty awesome through everything. And took care of everyone. It made me all the more proud to be like her.
On the other hand, I've realized this year even as good with words as I may be, I'm pretty terrible at finding what to say to someone hurting. Luckily I don't mind silence... so I'll be the one who just comes to sit with you, if that's ok. I can do that.
In addition, I've become pretty blunt. I read somewhere recently a quote. It said, "You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake…
It’s a choice."
Some of the people I care about most in this world have made some silly and stupid mistakes. And then continued to do the exact same thing over and over and over again, still saying "well it was a mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen like that." No it wasn't. You know what you were doing. You know you were being stupid. And if you don't, then I can't help you anyway. I have had the toughest year of my whole life and felt pain I would prefer to never go through again... and I'm trying to push through. And I do not have the energy to keep watching you screw up in the same way. It's your life? Yup. It sure is. So if you insist on going about your business like what you're doing is ok, then I can't stop you... and I'm tired of trying. Keep breaking my heart. Keep putting yourself in harm's way. I can't keep feeling like I could have changed or helped you. I've tried. And you won't listen. I've lost so much already. I can't stand by and watch you self-destruct.
2011. The year things changed. I'm praying the new one will be better. And by better, I just mean I hope things go smoothly as best they can. I can handle the ups and downs... I'd just like a little break. Of course... no breaks until May 12, at least...
You know what? Bring it on, 2012. I'll stay tough and my life and marriage will still rock. I've been through more than five months of hell before. Just bring it on.
Lord, please bless this house, and all the people I love who live here. I pray your love will fill us with the joy and hope we need to keep pushing through and seeing the brighter side of how things are. Help the goodbyes be heartfelt and forgiving and the hellos open and willing. We need all the help we can get. Please watch over us and keep us safe. <3
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