That's What She Said Response: Beauty And Body Image

In a series of YouTube videos entitled "That's what she said," SoulPancake and Darling Magazine addressed a group of issues I honestly believe all women deal with and think about (or avoid thinking about). I've decided to do my own series of blogs in response to the videos. The first was posted on January 15 of this year. The focus? Beauty and Body Image. You can watch the video here:


"85% of girls ages 8-10 believe they are "overweight"

45% have already started dieting

In the past decade, the number of girls under the age of 10 that are hospitalized for eating disorders has doubled"

Reading these statistics always shocks me. I've rewatched this video so many times and still these numbers blow my mind. But then again I was in the 8th grade when I first tried a "diet." Then I realize maybe it isn't so unbelievable.

"I wanna talk about the first time that we felt not good enough physically."

I was a giant as a child. I earned the nickname Jazz-illa in the fourth grade. And somehow, in my girl-brain, giant meant fat. Now when I look back at middle school photos, I realize I was actually very thin compared to various other times in my life... But middle school Jasmine didn't see that. Middle school Jasmine dwelled on that time her crush compared her to Godzilla, and when the girl I had been friends with the previous year sat behind me for story time and kept undoing the top part of the zipper on the back of my skirt, laughing with the girl next to her saying something about my size.

I note these things because I'm an adult now but I still remember them distinctly. And they still sting. I still cringe thinking about how they made me feel and how an entire lifetime has been built on moments like them from when I was 7 to 9 years old. As if they were life-altering events, when they should have rolled off my childhood shoulders. But we live in a world of comparison and girls start judging as soon as they feel they're supposed to.

At one point in time, I started trying to always when I was feeling down on myself or something, try and pick a single thing I was proud of or happy with on my body... And it worked a lot of the time. Yet girl-brain being what it is, I would pick my thing to be proud of just to then point out what wasn't good about it. (For instance, I like my adorable nose... except that it has break outs a lot.) I get so wrapped up in what I don't have, I overlook what I DO. Comparison is absolutely the thief of joy. I do just like Kelli in the video and will compare without even realizing it to people around me I have no reason to be comparing us. It's the most frustrating thing in the world and one of the hardest habits to break.

"When do you feel the most beautiful?"

This was such a hard question for me... but after some thought, I think I have a couple of answers. I'm not sure which is more-so because they're very different situations and happen usually on very different days. I feel beautiful when I have an important day ahead of me and find the perfect outfit and makeup for the day... Recently I had a job interview where I woke up early enough to eat breakfast while I watched a little TV, then did my makeup, curled my hair and put on a very nice outfit I had picked out the night before, and left in time to be early. I wasn't in a rush, I felt prepared, I wasn't frazzled. I daresay I wasn't even all that nervous. I felt so beautiful that I walked in confident and ready to go when normally I don't have that, especially for interview-type situations. It was awesome.

More commonly though, I feel beautiful in those moments when I'm surrounded by my family and we are sitting together, usually after whatever the big event we gathered for was (Easter or Christmas celebrations, weddings, funerals, you-name-it). We've already eaten and handled "business" and gossip and are just sitting around shooting the breeze with each other. Talking about all kinds of things, laughing, just being together. Those moments where we forget the things that are troubling us and just ARE, together. I love those moments. That pure joy and love makes me feel my most beautiful.

It's in moments like those I believe what Natalie says. That I, too, have a beautiful body.

Home!

We're no longer homeless!! Yes, this post is indeed a wee bit late because of various things including my internet not getting installed (lonnnng story) and unpacking junk... every time we move I realize yet again just how much we need to downsize. I am far too sentimental for my own good given the lifestyle we've taken up.

Alas, here's how this went. We had gotten a storage unit up here to hold our stuff until we found a place to live. So we unloaded our Uhaul and returned it. Then once we found a place, we tried to rent another Uhaul to minimize the number of trips to and from town. Well, turns out every Uhaul in town was rented that weekend so we just made seven trips instead (some of which were made with not one, but two vehicles). Real smart, huh? But we got it unloaded and returned the storage key (that was weird. Usually have to supply my own lock and key. I have quite the lock stash at the moment...). The same day we managed to unload the unit we also stayed up late to set up all the furniture since Dustin was leaving the following day to go out of town. So all the big stuff was set up and ready right away. Then I spent the week trying to find a place for all the little things. Still working on that. But my living room at least looks pretty awesome. Knowing the theme and sticking with it makes that room so much easier...

I'm at the point again when we move somewhere new I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. I hate that stage of moving. I should write that. "The Seven Emotional Stages of Moving" or however many there would be... stress, anger, breakdown, giving up... Who knows, it's probably already a thing. I'll google it later.

The dogs and I have a busy day tomorrow. Baths and a vet appointment. I've never taken them both at the same time. I'm sure that will be an adventure. Poor things. They'll surely hate me before the day is through. Or just cover me with kisses when it's over because they're so grateful to be free again. hehehe

This is going to be a short post since I need to go to bed so I can be up uber early, love. Thanks for catching up with me. I'll write again soon.

Later daze,
Jasmine

Still homeless.

Our place isn't ready yet... So here's hoping we'll stop being homeless before this week is out. They said mid-week but we haven't heard anything new. And since it's Tuesday, there's no telling... Fingers crossed.

I'm very much over hotel living... and not really having somewhere to take the dogs to get a bath. Cause we went to the park the other day... it had rained and the pups found the creek. Splashed around a bit, then found a tree stump with some lovely smelling something on it (it didn't really smell lovely. It was like death. Which is why they need a good bath now). We gave them a bath at the hotel, but I don't think it quite did the trick. And Charles needs a good tooth brushing. His breath is BAD.

They're super bored with hotel life.

We attempted to look for new bikes today (it's our anniversary gift to each other) but the sports store we went to had not a single bike inside. They don't do that. So we didn't get to even look. Boo. Strike one. We'll try again elsewhere.

Yesterday was fun. Turns out it was John Wayne's birthday. And as it happens, we are staying only an hour from his birthplace. They have made his childhood home a museum and had a big celebration all weekend. Monday was his actual birthday though, and since it was Memorial Day, Dustin was off, so we went. It was cute. The lady who gave us the tour though kept saying "well y'all probably don't know who any of these people are." She mentioned Maureen O'Hara and Jimmy Stewart. Don't tell me I don't know Jimmy Stewart <3. But anyways, she was very sweet overall though. We got a cool mug with one of his worthy quotes on it. Got some pictures in front of the house and such. No photos were allowed inside, but it was awesome. Had the original wood floors and wood door and window frames. Very pretty.

Turns out John Wayne was born in Madison County... as in The Bridges of Madison County. So we also went and found one of the six remaining bridges to document. We plan to see the others on another trip sometime. We also saw this adorable stone school house. It's bigger than I would have thought, and we couldn't go inside, but was still quite fun to see. You can see pictures from the adventure on my Instagram (http://instagram.com/jasminemallet), or if we're friends on Facebook ;)

We've decided to exhaust any and all possible enjoyable Iowa travels in the year we're here. Then we never feel a need to come back. ;) Hehehe. Dustin thinks it would be cool to just always move every couple of years after we've exhausted the region and explore a new one. This is an interesting idea. Until you remember that means we have to pack up our crap and leap across the country every two years or so...

I need to get a job... I'm distracted though because Dustin is going somewhere next week I want to go, too... So maybe that'll happen.

Oh! And I may get to meet Kevin Costner. Realistic chances of that may be slim to none, but let's just say it's the anniversary of a very awesome movie he was in and we're going to the celebration! So who knows? It could happen... Sadly my dad can't join us. He would have loved it.

But anyway. This may be our last night in this hotel, so I'm going to go clean up some of our junk.
Later daze!
Jasmine

Moving on up...

Hello there!
It's been a while. I haven't written much in a while. According to this site, not since 2012... That, is a very long time ago... But. I'm back. Sort of. See, it's been kind of a whirlwind of a life. The hubs and I got married in 2011. That year I lived part time in Virginia and part time in Alabama. Then we lived for almost a year mostly together in Virginia. Then we lived for almost a year in Alabama together. And now we actually aren't in either of those states anymore. Yes, friend. We have moved yet again. It's kind of our thing, I guess. I am currently sitting in a hotel in Iowa. Yeah. Iowa. And I won't deny I am not exactly thrilled about this. But, in keeping with our life story, it is only for a year. But more on all that some other time.

I have found I deal better with life when I write about it. And seeing as I haven't written in so long, perhaps this is why I have been kind of all over the place emotionally here lately. So the plan is to write about it. So let's chat. Today, I'd like to share a bit with you about moving.

I hate moving. Not because I'm against new places or experiences. Not because I don't love a good roadtrip. I hate moving because we always end up doing it ourselves. Bless my man's heart. I don't understand how he can have moved as often as he has (thanks, Navy) and still be so bad at it. I just don't understand. I finished my last week at work and we had a week to get packed up and moved across the country again, and still we were late leaving, rushing to get going and having to leave stuff behind. Now don't get me wrong, we have way too much crap. I know this. He knows this. And we're working on it. Each move leads to throwing more stuff out and going through stuff. But we still have a TON of stuff. Like a 10x30 foot storage unit full. Oh em gee. We have a lot of crap...

But I digress. So the hubs has moved basically ten times (at least) in his adult life... and still sucks at it. His way to move is tossing everything in tubs to throw in a truck and start driving. So now that he's actually got me to make him have grown up furniture and such, he has no clue what to do. You mean we don't just donate the furniture to Goodwill and start over? No. No we don't. He would look at me like "so what do we need to do?" and I'd just stare back confused. "I don't know, you've done this a dozen times. You tell me!" And so went the last week we were in Bama. Him looking confused or saying it would all fit and me knowing he was wrong and not helping. L.o.l.

The day we loaded the Uhaul trailer was an adventure in itself. Nothing like getting only a portion of stuff loaded and realizing after you've already downsized and decided to leave your dining table and chairs, linen chest, dog toy box, bookshelves and virtually all your books behind that you STILL don't have enough room for what's left. So more little things get left like some of your favorite wall hangings and blank canvases that were just begging to be painted. The husband's saw he had finally gotten excited about using again (he wanted to build birdhouses). *sigh* It got very frustrating. I cried. A few times... (like I said. Emotional.) Luckily we have awesome family who helped. His mom packed up virtually my entire kitchen. (savior) My sister brought me more boxes. My dad helped hubs play Tetris to fill the Uhaul. My mom offered emotional support most of all, but also helped me throw the little stuff we had yet to pack into boxes to be added to the Tetris matrix. And no one killed me. And I didn't kill hubs. #success

Then the road trip up here was ridiculously long because we had to drive superrrrr sloooooow since the trailer shouldn't go above 55. (We tried for 60) I need to go faster than that. A 14 hr drive should not take 18. It just shouldn't. I'm too impatient (and too much of a speed demon) for that. I like to try to beat that ETA, not watch it increase by hours. Thank God for my dear friend Bri. Her hubs had gotten her a ticket to come home to Bama after finishing school as a celebration. He got it one way so she could ride back to Iowa with us. (Yes. There is another couple mostly from AL who decided to move here for some strange reason...) She kept me awake and entertained so the slow ride was at least tolerable.

But we made it to Iowa. We're alive and I guess that's something (especially considering the number of times I threatened to murder husband in the past two weeks). And we have found a place to live (albeit in the middle of nowhere. That's the problem with Iowa. If you're not in the capital, you're basically in the middle of nowhere. I got lost the other day [because maps doesn't even care about Iowa so it can't find you... or the state for that matter] and Dustin asked what I was around. "Fields! I'm surrounded by fields. I can't even see houses attached to those fields, daggummit! This is why I'm lost! There's literally nothing to identify what state I'm in except the neverending fields so I must still be in Iowa!" [I'm full of Iowa jokes at the moment, can you tell?]) and are chilling in a hotel for another week or thereabouts. So that's fun. I like hotels. Someone else cleans. Yay. (We had a maid for a period of time back in VA when we had roommates and I refused to be responsible for everyone's mess. That was nice. I miss that...) We did somehow manage to find the only hotel I've ever seen where there is no minifridge or microwave in the rooms though. So that's weird. I'm eating a lot of Subway. But that's cool. I like Subway. Eat fresh, friends.

Anyway. That's where we're at. Now I need a job so we can pay off my student loans during this year in purgatory. I currently have the number of a temp agency I'm supposed to call. Wee.

Thanks for reading a rant, friend. You're awesome. Next time we'll can discuss my new mission. I keep seeing people's #100happydays posts and think maybe I should get on board with this. I'm a negative Nancy lately and no one likes that.

Later daze,
Jasmine

On why French parents are called "better" parents

"The French view is really one of balance, I think. ... What French women would tell me over and over is, it's very important that no part of your life — not being a mom, not being a worker, not being a wife — overwhelms the other part," Druckerman says.

I just re-read an article that caused an uproar last year because it basically said French parents were better than American parents (similar to the tiger mom frenzy the year before that). I think this selected quote sums up how I feel about parenting. Now, I know I'm not a parent and am not planning necessarily to be one in the near future, I feel like this quote makes perfect sense, and is the reason so many American parents stress themselves out to the point of exhaustion. People all have different aspects of their life. Work, school, spouse, kids, family, free time, me time, etc.

Last year I got stressed out because one of my work lives overlapped with my school life. I spent too much time in that aspect and my mind and body just became exhausted by it all. There was little to no separation and that sucked the energy out of me. Plus, with the deployed husband during most of that, I had NO husband time and I hated every second of it all. I didn't have any balance. It hurt. SO much. While I personally believe people spend most of their time doing what they like/love, my emphasis would have been on spending time with the husband I virtually never saw, had it been possible. But it wasn't. So not only was I omitting one part of my life as if it didn't exist, two others were taking up all my time. At my second job, I was usually working on homework or trying not to fall over asleep. Not taking a break and enjoying the little kids I worked with like I should have. Balance is what I needed. And I couldn't find it. I was miserable for a large part of the year.

Then I graduated. And was still missing balance. Because I moved across the country and got to spend a ton of time with my man who was finally home, but all of a sudden my overwhelmingly full schedule was empty. No more school and no more double jobs. The search for a new job took up part of my time, but it wasn't the same as having to run around constantly making sure things were done. Granted, the break was nice. But I can't go on like that forever.

I've gotten better about things now. I'm still no pro at balancing my act, but I'm trying my best to have it in some form. So many parents I've seen wrap themselves up in their children and their children's activities, so much that they have nothing that is their own, that they lose themselves. They are simply "Johnny's mom" or "Sarah's dad." While I am a firm believer you should be proud of your children and take an active role in their lives to make sure they grow up to be good, responsible people, there has to be a portion of your time where you do things without them around. One-on-one time with your spouse. Ladies or guys night. You can't be ONLY a parent. This does not mean you stay-at-home parents are bad people for staying at home with your children by any means. I HIGHLY respect stay at home parents. But you need a night out sometimes. You can't be with them 24-7 and expect to keep your sanity. Plus, those kids you love so much need to learn how to do some things on their own. How are they going to do that if you're always watching to tell them to correct a mistake you see going down?

Be the responsible parent who shows their children how important those adult conversations and interactions are. That there is work that needs to be done sometimes. Then you can play.

I wish so many more parents weren't neglecting themselves "for their kids." I think it's important to point something out: Kids grow up. They're going to grow up. All the way up. And they're going to leave. They're going to have their own lives. They're going to have a spouse and children of their own. If you spend 25 years ONLY raising your children... what happens when they grow up and you have your "empty nest?" You may end up feeling like you have nothing left to do. That would absolutely suck. So keep your nights out. Go on dates. Remember you are a person with a life, too. Don't lose yourself along the path to raising your children. You're too awesome to lose yourself.

If I were the breeze, I would tickle the trees...

While trying to clean out some of the excess junk in my computer's memory, and I came across this. It's a list of "If I were"s. I apparently stole this from someone at some point and never quite finished it. So now I'm finishing it. I will include the answers I put then, and a new one, if it's changed. Here we go.


1. If I were a month, I would be September, March, or November... They’ve always been my favorites… And I like the weather.

2. If I were a day of the week, I would be Thursday... Cause you’re so close… and yet so far away… story of my life.

3. If I were a time of the day, I would be 9:00 pm… because some of my best conversations happen around that time.

4. If I were a planet, I would be Neptune. It gets kinda neglected, I think. Very under-appreciated gas giant.

5. If I were a sea animal, I would be Dory. Because she's forgetful. And "no one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... and I'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget."

6. If I were a direction, I would be SOUTH (In your mouth PAHA).

7. If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a strong, mahagony filled bookshelf.

8. If I were a sin, I would be pride because it is said to be the worst sin that stems all the others. Dante said pride was "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour." And recently, I haven't been self-centered... but the things on my mind and I'm spending time on are too much focused on me instead of God and others. I felt a while back I was putting WAY too much energy into the affairs of others and in turn neglected myself. So then I decided to re-center and improve myself and my relationship with my husband. Then I got sidetracked again and neglected the rest of my family and people I care about. So I'm trying to find the balance between all of these now. It's a work in progress. Admittance is first.

9. If I were a historical figure, I would be... I have no idea. I probably should. But I don't.

10. If I were a liquid, I would be water. Basis of life. Unique to earth. Awesome. Yay.

11. If I were a stone, I would be a sapphire… Cause I like blue… ;).

12. If I were a tree, I would be the weeping willow from My Girl… or Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas.

13. If I were a bird, I would be blue jay. Cause they’re pretty:) And I have a thing for the name...

14. If I were a tool, I would be a chalk line… cause they’re fun:) OOOH! Or a plane. Cause that's my new favorite!

15. If I were a flower, I would be Jasmine. PAHAHA. Admit it. You laughed too. It was just too easy. And obvious.

16. If I were a kind of weather, I would be lightly cloudy with a cool breeze... It's the feeling in the air of "after hurricane" weather. It feels fantastic.

17. If I were a musical instrument, I would be a fiddle. Or a banjo. Or a ukelele... Decisions decisions.

18. If I were an animal, I would be a ferret… cause Dad says I have nervous energy and scurry around. (That was the original answer... I don't remember exactly how that conversation came up... maybe I asked what he thought I'd be if I were an animal. But I like the answer so much, I refuse to change it. :)

19. If I were a color, I would be cerulean. It's lovely.

20. If I were a vegetable, I would be a cucumber… cause they’re my favorite.

21. If I were a sound, I would be the sound a golf ball makes when you get a hole in one… Ohhhh that sound.

22. If I were an element, I would be wind…. No wait! I’d be the Fifth. L. O. L. Milla Jovovich is so BA.

23. If I were a car, I would be a baby blue Volkswagon Beetle. Because they’re so darn cute…

24. If I were a song, I would be “Forgetful Lucy” from 50 First Dates… <3

25. If I were a movie, I would be a dramatic romantic comedy starring Amber Tamblyn, with special appearances by Joan Cusack, Julie Andrews, Tom Hanks, Mark Ruffalo, Bruce Willis, and this guy: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0869548/, along with a random Fast and Furious scene. Who would watch that? Pahaha

26. If I were a book, I'd be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows or Sisterhood Everlasting. Faves.

27. If I were food, I would be a shrimp tempura sushi roll... Or something along those lines. Yum.

28. If I were a place, I would be home. Home is where the heart is, where your story begins, and where you belong. <3

29. If I were a material, I would be wood- durable, versatile, and unique.

30. If I were a taste (taste??), I would be "Jamaican Me Happy."

31. If I were a scent, I would be “Sensuality” from Avon… or fresh laundry...

32. If I were a religion, I would be Christian. Non-denominational owned, Christian.

33. If I were a word, I would be ampersand.

34. If I were an object, I would be (Original answer) my sock monkey… because right now Dustin has it. (New Answer) Dustin's seaman's crucifix. Cause it's always with him. So I wouldn't have to miss him.

35. If I were a body part, I would be your right hand.

36. If I were a facial expression, I would be pleasant.

37. If I were a subject in school, English.

38. If I were a cartoon character, I would be Pocahontas.

39. If I were a shape, I would be a sphere. Endless and infinite.

40. If I were a number, I would be nineteen. Every. Single. Time.

Later friends,
Jasmine

The Giving Tree Reviews

I was just reading on a blog that gives book recommendations/reviews for parents and their children. One page had a list of the 75 books that would build character. I had never heard of most of them because they are rather new, but I was a little upset to see The Giving Tree wasn't on it. I figured maybe because the author seemed focused on newer books, that was the reason. No big. But as I scrolled down to the comments, people seemed THRILLED by the fact that this book wasn't on the list. Literally, EXCITED to see someone who didn't like it either.

And I was confused. So I went looking for other reviews. Because quite frankly, I can't see how anyone could take the message in The Giving Tree to be bad. Afterall, the title is "The Giving Tree."

People hate this book.
Not all, mind you. But many. It breaks my heart. All they see is a selfish boy who becomes a selfish man who kills the tree he loves.

Uh. No.

My main focus in this story was always the tree. Not the boy. But the tree. Sure, a lot was also on the relationship between the two, but the title says tree because it's about the tree.

When the boy is young, his relationship with the tree is very healthy. They play together all day and enjoy each other's company. They love each other. But like is the case with most childhood friendships, the boy grows and finds new interests and doesn't visit the tree anymore. But the tree wants the boy to be happy, because his happiness brings her happiness. So she's ok with that so long as he is happy.

Well he comes back one day and he needs a house to keep him warm. So the tree offers the boy her branches to build a house so he can be happy. Later he wants to sail the earth to escape the sadness he has encountered in his adult life, so the tree gives him her trunk so he can build a boat. Then he comes back, a lonely, sad, old man and the tree openly says she has nothing to offer him. The man says how he is old and doesn't need much now. All he needs is a quiet place to sit and rest. And the tree in all her stump-ness straightens up proud and firm and says something like "Stumps are very good places to sit." So the man sits on the stump to rest. And the tree is happy.

I love this book because it opens with the tree and boy together and even though the boy grows and leaves (tree references, ha!), he comes back and they are together again in the end... Plus it shows the value of giving. That in the end, life is about how you give back to others, and not about what you get. The tree was always happy. Because she always gave the boy things he "needed." But the boy would come back sad and lost and lonely because he was focused on himself. The tree was happy though. And their relationship evolved so that as they grew and aged together, the wiser one (tree) taught the boy (after a lifetime of tries and fails) that she knew what she needed to do: give what she had for others who had less to benefit. And in return, she got a friendship from someone who had been blessed by her gifts.

I used this story as a basis for my wedding party invitations because I thought it explained how I feel about my husband. I would give absolutely anything if it would make my husband happy. Anything. His happiness makes me happy and it hurts me knowing I can't always help him when he needs it. If I could though, I would. Plus, something I've always struggled with is that the acquisition of things doesn't really matter. And I want to teach my children that. The boy in this story learns that eventually. As an old man, he sees he doesn't really need much. Just somewhere to sit and rest. No need for a big house or a boat or a plethora of apples to stuff his face. Just a seat. Nothing extravagant. So he sits and enjoys his time with his tree. <3

Maybe I've grown to appreciate it because I've oversimplified it. I dunno. But I love this story and I will stand by loving this story till the day I die because to me, it has meant so much and shown so well the love one person can have for another and how important it is to remember it isn't about WHAT we have, but how we share those things we've been blessed with, and to also remember THINGS aren't important. People are.

So that's my take. Continue hating it if you must. I'll disagree with you, so if you decide to battle me about it, I won't stop fighting. But go ahead. Have your opinion. Take a sweet child story and make it terrible. (This reminds me of how people take Beauty and the Beast and make it dirty. Come on, people, it's supposed to be metaphorical, stop talking about beasteality and such. Good grief.)

Hokay. Thanks. Later.
Jasmine